Long Tale Press

First - you have a wonderful story going on here and you’re the story has great potential. However, I could not review this because of your grammatical errors. This is very problematic throughout the story - long run-on sentences, long- long-long paragraphs, abuse of commas, comma splice, parallel structure and so much more. This is running interference with your writer's voice spoiling a truly fabulous story told by a writer. This story has so much potential. This is why I am posting my feedback here first, rather than as a review. I would suggest that you take a long an unbiased look at these nit-picking errors.

1. Sentence structure
2. Run-on sentences
3. Comma splice.
4. Over-use of commas.
5. Punctuation

Consider pulling the story so that you can re-visit and polish, then repost. Good luck.

Heh. You're both right. The style definitely strays from the norms of "book English" grammar. Strictly speaking, Salembev, you're absolutely right. But I found the overall effect to be very stream-of-consciousness style and I think that it works here.

This must be one of those times where, like they say, you can break any rule as long as it works.

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